“That was the wrong question.”
“You made everything a test,” she said. “My grades. My clothes. My friends. Mitchell. Even my tone.”
“I thought I was guiding you.”
“When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted you. But I could feel your disappointment instead.”
I looked at Rose, then at everyone I had blamed.
“I was wrong,” I said. “I made you believe you had to disappear to be loved safely.”
I turned to Liam.
“I could feel your disappointment instead.”
“And I made you carry a secret no son should’ve had to carry.”
Livia wiped her cheek with Rose’s blanket.
“If we try this,” she said, “Mitchell stays my husband. Natalie stays Rose’s grandmother. Liam isn’t punished. And you don’t get to be cruel to Mitchell just because you’re hurt.”
“Yes.”
“I made you carry a secret no son should’ve had to carry.”
“And you don’t get to tell this story like I broke your heart for no reason.”
I nodded once. “I won’t.”
Rose fussed, and for the first time, I didn’t reach out like love gave me permission.
I asked.
“May I meet her?”
Livia looked at Mitchell. He nodded, but she took another second before stepping forward.
“May I meet her?”
“Her name is Rose,” she said, placing her in my arms.
I looked down at my granddaughter’s soft cheek. “Hi, Rose. I’m Camila, your grandma.”
Livia’s mouth trembled at that.
***
A week later, I called her.
“Would dinner here feel okay?” I asked. “You can say no.”
“I’m Camila, your grandma.”
“Who’s coming?” she asked.
“Whoever you want.”
She came with Mitchell, Rose, and Natalie. Liam sat beside her. I asked Natalie if she wanted coffee. John cooked because I knew I’d try to control every plate.
When Rose fussed, I stopped myself.
“Livia, do you want me to take her, or would you rather Mitchell?”
“Whoever you want.”
She looked at me, then smiled a little.
“You can take her, Mom.”
Before she left, she hugged me.
It was careful.
