“[I] can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.”
Fear of conflict is also common at people who faced emotional abuse as children. Why? Simply because their brain associates conflict with danger. What they do is try to avoid conflict at any cause, even then when they deny their own needs by doing that.
6. Being hard on yourself
“I am in a constant state of blame no matter who is at fault. I hate going out in public or even going to work because I am afraid I am going to do something wrong and everyone will notice, I am afraid of making a mistake because I will beat myself up over it for the rest of the day.”
If a child is made to feel as though they are to blame, they can become an adult who instinctively takes the blame for issues, feels guilty, and has a hard time recognizing when things are out of their control. Sadly, this affects many other aspects of their life.
7. Trust issues
“[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors.”
Emotionally abused children may have difficulty trusting others as adults. They may feel that it is not safe to trust others because of the way they were treated in the past, and this can make it difficult for them to feel comfortable trusting others.
8. Emotional unavailability
“I’m very defensive which can come across as cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to be my barrier so I don’t get hurt.”
Emotional unavailability is yet another trait prevalent in adults who have experienced emotional abuse at some point in their childhood. Children whose feelings were invalidated may have learnt to shut their emotions for the sake of feeling safe. However, this can lead to problems with emotional intimacy in adulthood, such as being emotionally unavailable to others, distant, aloof, and unwilling to share their feelings, but not because they don’t want that but because it feels dangerous or foreign to them.
9. Repeating the cycle (or fearing to)
“…I’m afraid to [be a] parent because I don’t want to ‘mess up’ my kid.”
No matter how odd this sounds, it’s very true. Often, adults make a vow to never act like their abusers, but the patterns they established in childhood may be difficult to break. They may find themselves repeating the same hurtful patterns without even realizing it, as their methods of coping with their situation, developed from the abuse they experienced in childhood, may be doing the opposite of what they intend. This could manifest itself in giving the silent treatment instead of communicating, acting impulsively without considering others, not showing affection, or being unable to show comfort.
10. Underdeveloped coping skills
“…Lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described just how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up…”
When parents comfort their children, they actually teach them how to deal with their emotions. So, children who grow up in households where they don’t receive any comfort may resort to unhealthy behaviors, like binge eating or alcohol, in order to cope with their emotions.
